Real Products of New Jersey

So I am slightly completely obsessed with the Real Housewives of New Jersey, which I started watching on season 2.  There is just something about these ladies and their mostly normal, but more privileged lives that I love to watch.  They have BEAUTIFUL homes, wonderful, if not amazing, husbands, and the same problems as the rest of us.

  Lately there has been some drama amongst the ladies about their "agendas".  Melissa Gorga is Teresa Giudice's sister-in-law and she has "suddenly" become a singer.  Teresa is mad and last week on her blog, Jacqueline pointed out all of the things that Teresa herself was trying to sell:

"You say Kathy's is baking, Melissa's is singing, so what was YOUR "get-rich-quick scheme," Teresa? Was it the cookbooks? The TG Fabulicious store? The makeup? The lip gloss? The nail polish? The sauce? The olive oil? The pots and pans? The teeth whitener? The t-shirt line? The Bellini? The wine? The kids' shampoo line? And now you want to come out with a prostitution whore song?"

So I thought I'd do a rundown of the products, or agendas, these ladies really have.  Can you blame them?  Who would share all of that dirty laundry without collecting a paycheck?  It is well-known that Bravo doesn't pay them excessive salaries for their embarrassment.

Teresa Giudice: Cookbook "Skinny Italian", Cookbook "Fabulicious", Fabulicious Store which includes t-shirts and hats (it used to include watches and jewelry as well), and apparently a cosmetic line called TG Fabulicious.  Teresa's husband, Joe, is a former contractor and now owns Giuseppe Homestyle Pizzeria.

Jacqueline Laurita: blk. water, a vitamin-infused black water, she also has allowed her name to be used on her famous "Fertility Bracelet", but the proceeds go to the March of Dimes.  I actually own one! :)

Her daughter, Ashley (aka Ashlee) Holmes, is not technically a housewife but is on the payroll.  She is launching a clothing line using her artwork.

Caroline Manzo: The Brownstone and The Brownstone Pasta Sauces ... there was rumor of a handbag line but I cannot find it.  Her family seems associated with blk. water as well, with sons Chris and Albie promoting it.  Her daughter, Lauren Manzo, also owns a beauty bar within Chateau the Art of Beauty Salon called "FACE by Lauren Manzo".

Melissa Gorga:  This is Teresa's brother Joey's wife.  She just launched a single, called "On Display" and is recording an album.   Her husband owns J Gorga Construction.

Kathy Wakile: This is Teresa's first cousin.  She is apparently launching a dessert catering company.  Her husband has posted pictures of her piping things into glasses on Twitter but that's about all I can find.

  So am I really watching an hour-long infomercial?  I don't feel that way, usually.  For someone that has always wanted to be an entrepreneur, their businesses are inspiring and make me want to launch a product.  I feel that Melissa's singing success, if it happens, will be owed 100% to her participation on this show and her family's wealth (she was able to hire the best producers and professional photographers, etc.). 

  Jacqueline is the most low-key about her businesses, and Caroline is right there with her.  Teresa definitely gets the most press but her business ventures seem a little haphazard.  I personally have not read her cookbooks.  Yet.   I'm dying to know how many calls The Brownstone gets since the show started for events... it does seem like a beautiful, professional facility. 

Pain in the Back

  I have had an issue with my back since my FIL moved in with us at the end of '08 and I moved a ton of furniture to accommodate his.   It got so bad at one point that ANY type of bending over killed me (lifting or not) and one day I couldn't even stand up straight.  My muscles were spasming, I was put on muscle relaxers, I went to a chiropractor, etc...  It was suck central.

  It is still bothering me.  It's better - except when I have to do a lot of bending/lifting and then it goes right back to where it was.  DH bought an inversion table and that is helping, if I remember to do it daily.  But I finally started physical therapy for it. 

  My pain is a low back pain (not uncommon), but it feels to me like my pelvis is twisted.  When I lay on a flat service or sit my tub, it feels like one side hits before the other.  It is a CONSTANT, dull ache.  It is not fun.  I told the Doctor all of this and his recommendation was to start off just assuming it's an arthritis-like disc issue.  I wasn't too thrilled, but whatever.  It's not like I haven't already been putting up with it for almost three years.  He gave me some simple stretches to do:

1. Lay on my stomach with my arms up for five minutes twice a day.
2. Stand with my hands on my hips and push my hip out for 4 seconds, 10 times, 6 times a day.
3. Lay on my back with my knees bent, and rotate them down to the floor on each side 10 times, twice a day.

  We'll see how this goes - he even gave me a little chart to keep track of it.  I can't go back to him for two weeks but I hope it helps.  When all of this started was right when a 40 mile long train of stress dumped its load on me, and my Mom (the RN) was concerned that it was just from stress.  Could be, since my stress is mostly alleviated now and my back is mostly better.  It helps to have the jets in the tub and the inversion table and sometimes I can convince DH to give me a sweet back rub.

   Speaking of my dear husband, we are a few short months from finally watching justice be served for what his father did to him.  It has been a long, painful, agonizing road.  Each day we remind ourselves that there are people suffering in more tragic ways everywhere.  We have each other and our health and that's all that matters.  It is beyond unfortunate that he lost both parents in a brief amount of time, but his life is filled with great role models that have been there for both of us every step of the way.  We are thankful for our loving families and supportive friends and our lives are good.  Soon, we hope to have our own little chubby feet to chew and chubby cheeks to squeeze. 

  The worst part will always be protecting ourselves and, more importantly, our children, from this man.  My only hope is that he will find help and muster up whatever small amount of true love he has left for his son and leave us in peace.  He has tormented our friends and our family and I can't imagine continuing to live in a life of fear until he wakes up to judgment day. 

  I'm so proud of my husband for being such an amazing, loving person to everyone, despite what has happened.  It is all owed to his wonderful Mother who was sweet beyond compare.  Had she been any less loving, the cycle would have continued.  She cut the chain for my husband.   She saved him from his genes and, literally, from his father.   I've heard that all people become heroes when they die, but she was truly a hero while she lived. 

  I hope that all mothers and dads can cut their own chains and fill their childrens' lives with total, un-rationed love.  You have NO idea how much they need it.  And divorced parents, you don't know what you've asked your kids to do - to love their parents but not be with them.  You've asked them to grow up then are surprised when they are fiercely independent as young adults. 

  Please don't have children if you have doubts about who you are with, and please make it work with your spouse if you just feel like you "fell out of love" (obviously not if they are abusive).  It's a choice.  I don't care who says divorce doesn't have a big effect on children - I have lived it and it does.  Even if you have remarried a wonderful father/mother figure for your child - it does.  Imagine you are happily married - like you are beyond happy when your spouse is around - and someone comes along and tells you that he or she is going to live 3,000 miles away, but you are not getting divorced, and you can see him or her for a few months in the summer.  What would that do to you?  Or imagine your spouse goes to prison and you can see him or her only on the weekends.  What would your life be, but empty and miserable?  That is divorce to a child. 

 Think twice. 

Full Faith and Credit

Today I'm actually asking, begging for your feedback.  I know that somewhere, someone has gone through the same situation we are in and has the answer I'm looking for.

  If you obtain a protection order on someone, and then move to another state, and they violate that restraining or protection order via phone or text from the original state, which state's responsibility is it to provide the consequence for that violation?

  I'm sure that we're not the only people in the country that have realized that protection orders are pretty much worthless until you're dead.  However, does our government not owe it to us to at least enforce the order and give a consequence when it's violated?  What if that first contact is enough to scare the abuser/stalker/murderer off for good?
 
  This battle is between Indiana and Ohio, so if anyone can define the law for me or point me in the right direction, I would so appreciate it. 

  THANK YOU!!

Once Upon a Time...

So my employer does some serious training every year and one course I recently took was presented by the people behind http://www.corporateathlete.com/, an organization that takes professional athletes and teaches them what it takes to "complete the mission".

  O. M. G.  LIFE.  CHANGING.  This was such a fabulous, fantastic, educational hour of pure enlightenment.   I'm already making changes in my own life and I am not bs-ing you when I say that I already feel like someone took down a puffy cloud and put me on it.  My energy is up, my happiness is up, things are done at my home, my relationship with my husband is perfect, I don't feel overwhelmed - just wow. 

  Do you know that feeling you get when something great is happening tomorrow or when you have to wake up in the morning and go on some wonderful, exotic trip, or you just got a check for a billion dollars?  That is what this feels like.  I suddenly feel like success is just right around the corner. 

  Things like being out of shape, feeling like there was just too much to do at home, resentment that I was doing too much, unhappiness that I still haven't reached my goals and accomplished the things I want to accomplish have all stopped making noise in my life. 

  Some of the strongest takeaways:

• What is your story?  What are you telling yourself that makes what you are doing ok?
• Rewrite your story.  Don't say "this must have happened because".  MAKE things happen!  Don't say I can be abusive because I was abused.  That's your old story.  This is your new one.
• "If I don't change my story right now...."  what will happen?
• Your brain needs oxygen and glucose to function.  Without oxygen, you die.  Without glucose, you aren't sharp.
• Energy = oxygen + glucose
• By doing things, you create energy
• Never go more than 4 hours without eating.  Eat low-glycemic snacks between meals.
• Meals should be one handful protein, two handfulls grains, and two handfulls fruits and veggies.
• Don't beat yourself up for one day "off course".  Get back on.
• Stand up/move every 45 minutes.
• Human beings aren't made to sit all day, we are made to be active.  Lower back pain is the top complaint among people in the corporate world.  We can't hold up our torsos anymore!
• We are like muscles.  We have to have stress to grow.  You have to have periods of stress and periods of recovery.  Two minutes throughout the day are small recoveries and a MUST 7 hours of sleep at night is our major recovery.

  But the most profound thing was the declaration that human beings do not have willpower or self-control.

  I know, you think these people were nuts.

  Really, we don't.  We truly ARE creatures of habit.  We fail at diets for this reason.  We fail at exercise plans for this reason.  Until you make it habit, until you have a routine, a schedule, you will fail.  Until you know what is important to you and why are you doing something, you will fail.   Until you impress upon yourself what will happen if you keep doing what you've always done, you will not get it, you will not change, you will not grow.

  Complete the mission. 

Hoppy Monday!

Oh, Monday night, how I love thee.  Last year, when I was newly engaged, planning a wedding, dealing with lots of changes and family issues and wanting to be pregnant, I got to watch a real wedding and the planning involved play out right on my own little TV with none other than the queen of smart assedness herself, Ms. Bethenny Frankel  of Bethenny Getting Married (now Mrs. Jason Hoppy).  This season, her show Bethenny Ever After, is on every Monday night and I LOVE this kind of start to the week.

  The similarities between her life and mine are just so obvious - she is the ambitious, driven, everything-has-to-be-perfect one, Jason is the calm, collected, patient, sweet, comforting one.  Same dynamic here.   She has problems when Jason ends up sharing every moment immediately on the phone with his Mom, that used to happen all of the time here.  She doesn't want to do EVERYTHING and spend EVERY weekend with his family, that almost tore us apart.  

  The only difference, of course, is that she already has a beautiful baby and a billion brands and the dollars to match.  I'm working on it.

  Oh, and she's skinny.  Working on that too.
  

From BravoTV.com

  If you haven't seen this show, or saw part of it and think she's just annoying, you really need to give it a good go.  She is funny and witty and inspiring and has a filthy mouth and big goals.   In fact, I think I need to meet her.  We should hang out.  My favorite part of this week's episode was where she was at some kind of product show and there are all of these women around, and she brings Jason.  She doesn't do small talk (me either), and he is talking up a storm with these chicks!  She says something like he could just wear a black wig and red dress and she could stay home chopping wood - hilarious.  I feel the same way.  I'm definitely not the talk everyone up kind of person, but my husband can strike up a conversation with a log if he wants to. 

   Ugh, I know this isn't very good - I'm a coming down from some delicious white sangria.  If you haven't gotten drunk on sangria then visited a Michael's craft store, you need to try it.  Especially if you need to pick out a custom frame for your husband's photography.  I couldn't even tell you what we ended up with now, but I know it is fabulous and looks good if you're tipsy.

  Anyway, Bethenny has another book coming out called "A Place of Yes" and I look forward to reading it.  Right now I'm finishing "Never Eat Alone" which I LOVE - review coming soon.

  So, Bethenny, let's do drinks, our husbands can chat and we can talk about all of the awesome products you could sell.   Then maybe you can tell me to finish all of the books I've started and get me in touch with your publisher.    It's unfortunate that you aren't building a house right now, that would have just been too cool to see you going through the same decisions there..   Maybe you can build one in Hazleton?  Love ya.

~Beth

When fat is a good thing...

I have not fallen off the planet or been disintegrated by the solar flares - I am alive.  Life has been so busy and things have been changing.   But the latest Trial and Fire-ing I've done has been in the kitchen!  The best place, in my opinion.

  I volunteered to make the cake for our bff's son's baptism and spent a shiteload purchased all of the items that I thought I'd need and imagined the professionals using; a square tiered pan set, food coloring, fondant sheet, fondant rolling pin, fondant tools, fondant ribbon cutter, disposable pastry bags, and icing tips (all by Wilton).  I have always wanted to be a cake decorator, so friends that are willing to try my free experiments are so welcome!

   So then I loaded up on baby marshmallows, powdered sugar, cake mixes (I chose Pillsbury) (there's pudding in the mix, y'all!), eggs, and heavy cream.  My "client" wanted white cake and I was determined to do something special, so I made my own whipped cream frosting and added pulverized oreos to it, for my own version of "Cookies & Cream".  I tried to stabilize it with extra shortening and extra powdered sugar - but it really isn't the ideal icing to use under marshmallow fondant.  It tasted pretty good, though!  The two batches I tried making with "whipped cream stabilizer" that came in little packets at the supermarket ended up completely falling apart.  I can't say it was that variable for sure, but once I stopped using it I had no problems again.

  So, here are some of the things I learned:

 To make a good marshmallow fondant, all you do is put a little bit of water in a bowl of mini-marshmallows and then nuke them until they are runny (about three minutes, stirring every minute).  Then you dump about half a bag of powdered sugar in and stir; keep adding the sugar until you can't stir it anymore.  Then, rub shortening (here comes the fat!) on your hands and kneed it very well.  Kneeding it for a while is important because it helps to blend it and makes for a smoother fondant.  Add powdered sugar until it is like a warm play-dough.  

If you store the fondant (wrapped) in the refrigerator, set it out before you start and kneed it before you roll it.  If it's a hot day, you'd probably have to ice your hands while working with it.  NEVER microwave it to bring it back up to room temperature!  You WILL forget to check on it and your microwave WILL be covered in sticky goo.

One box of cake mix is about 4.5 cups.  The easiest way to figure out exactly how much batter you need to fill your pans 2/3 full is to just measure it using water. Printed guides aren't always accurate.

If your cake seriously domes up on you, just slice off the top with a long knife while it's still in the pan.  Cake leveler schmake leveler.

It is EASIEST to dye marshmallow fondant right after you take the MM's out of the microwave - if you want one big, bold color.  If you want to make decorations/flowers, go ahead and leave it white and you can work in food coloring later.

To make brown marshmallow fondant, dye it with cocoa powder.   It takes a large amount of food color (combination of brown and black) to make it not look like something you'd find in a diaper.

One package of marshmallows does NOT make enough fondant to cover anything larger than an 8" cake.  

Do NOT dust your work surface/tools in cornstarch OR powdered sugar - ONLY use shortening!  I learned this the hard way!  It works so much better, doesn't dry out your fondant, leaves it shiny, and does not leave powder everywhere.  The poor cake I made for the baptism looked like I was a coke addict.  If you use the recommended vinyl sheet, just smear it with a light coating of shortening.  Rub it on your rolling pin, tools, hands, etc.

While you need a thick filling between layers, you do not need a thick coating of icing on the outside of your cake.  It will all smoosh out when you cover it with fondant.

Do not even attempt to freeze your cake for 10 minutes then cover it with whipped cream icing.  It will melt.  And end up everywhere.

Cut pieces of wax paper and slide them around the outside of your bottom layer if you are decorating on a final board.  You can just pull them (carefully) out when you are done. 

• When covering a cake with fondant, roll it out to about 1/4-1/8" thick, well past the edges of your cake... so add up the dimensions and try to make it bigger than that.  Center it and plop it down on the cake, smooth it out, then start smoothing down from the top one inch at a time.  Pull the "curtain" out as you go - the fondant will change its shape to match your cake.  Learned that one the hard way.  My husband found a great video and saved me in time for the second cake, which brings me to...

The cake I made for a little girl 800 or so miles away!

•   When shipping a cake, don't just assume that it will stick to the board.  It will shift.  I haven't figured out exactly how to keep it from shifting, but you could at the very least drive a wooden dowel down through the cake and the board.  This is probably the best way.  Freeze it overnight, take it to UPS at the last possible minute to make it on the plan for next day delivery, double box it, and pray.   I sent a single layer (4") to our friend and it slid off the board and shifted.

•   Under no circumstances microwave refrigerated icing if it's too cold to pipe with.  It will melt.  Remember that icing is mostly fat.
•   The icing at the store that your husband loves is probably "bettercream" or butter cream icing.  I haven't found a recipe for it yet.  But I will.  I believe it's mostly some kind of shortening and some powdered sugar.

and finally, the greatest tip of all:

• When serving, do not attempt to cut the entire cake tier at once... it will all fall outward and collapse down....  Even if you think the entire guest list will be up in a minute to eat - just don't do it.

I still need to find a good icing recipe.  Mine was way too thick and piping was impossible and looked pathetic, on both cakes.   Supporting the layers with plastic dowels and cardboard between each tier was much easier than I thought it would be.  Of course, the highest I got was two layers.   The two-tier cake did great on a 30 minute (very bumpy) ride.  I was shocked!


  I don't have anyone to make a cake for right now and I'm having withdrawals.  I'm thinking about making a cake for our builder when our house is done, that looks like our house, but I don't particularly care for our sales rep since she decided to start shamelessly flirting with my husband.  Our project manager, on the other hand, has done a great job and been so professional - maybe I can sneak one to him and his guys.

  I hope to have more tips and pics soon, and actually get back to posting frequently.  There's been too much change to fit in the world's biggest jar these past five months.  I'm so glad to have such a wonderful husband at my side.

Waist of Time

I read "YOU: On A Diet" last year and it is a great resource; not only for learning about what your body does with food but just learning what your body DOES.  They are really amazing, these things we take for granted sometimes.  They carry around US - our soul - our spirit and say to the world, "THIS is who ___ is!"

  I ended up going to the authors' website, http://www.realage.com and signed up to learn my REAL age.  It is currently 6.8 years OLDER than what I am... Which is, of course, no surprise.  I should let Dr. Roizen know that I actually feel about 45 years older but thanks.  Their suggestion to get a dog, I think, might make me feel even older, as I already have to take care of everything around here. 


   Anyway, the website sends you a weekly email once you sign up, and the most recent was an email about the health benefits of cinnamon telling me to add it to my coffee.  While reading the article, I noticed that they offered a two week meal plan to help people with a waist issue (like me) start metabolizing foods properly, so I decided what the heck, I'll try it.  What's two weeks of crappy food ?

  Yesterday was Day 2.  The day before, I had a breakfast of hard boiled eggs then went grocery shopping.  A very expensive two hours later, I was FINALLY checking out, completely mentally EXHAUSTED from trying to find everything on the handy shopping list you can print.   It became so clear to me that good, healthy foods are unpopular and VERY expensive and just plain hard to find in the store (though Walmart doesn't exactly claim to be a mecca of fresh produce).  A box of raisins is $5.  Kalamata olives, $6.  Fresh herbs, $3.   Salmon, $10.   It is just no wonder that America is so overweight.  Unhealthy, processed, quick food is cheap and easy to find.

  Two nights ago for dinner we had the Asian salmon with brown rice pilaf and baked apples for dessert.  I'm kind of overwhelmed by the sweet fruit overload, which seems strange because I'm normally a huge fan of sweet.  It's just such an intense and juicy sweet.  I guess I like a dry sweet!  Yesterday morning I had oatmeal with blueberries, and Activia yogurt and raisins.

  Realizing that I really did need all of the rest of the groceries I just gave up on at Walmart, my husband picked me up after work yesterday and we went to a very nice grocery store here that touts its organic pickings.  The produce section is divine!  The leeks were a WHOLE 'NOTHER thing than the small pieces of crap I picked up at ol' Sam Walton's.  They were HUGE and LONG and the white part (which is what you use) was massive!  We also found red pears, huge bell peppers, parsley, nice tomatoes, and fresh raspberries.

  Then I made tofu stir fry for dinner.  I've only dealt with tofu once before, when making hot and sour soup, and it is a strange beast.  For this particular dish it needs to be baked, so I had to google how to do that.  I went with the first recipe I saw, which said to slice it and brush it with soy.  I over-soyed it.

  I could not get over how many vegetables I had to demolish for that thing - and there was NO sauce - I thought there was no way that it would ever taste good... Then add a small bunch of cilantro?!  Blech!  But amazingly, it tasted pretty swell.  My husband even liked it.

  Dessert was a baked pear with chocolate and raspberry coulis and pistachios.  This is even harder to make when your small apartment kitchen is buried in dirty pots and pans and Cuisinart (Merry Christmas from my dear husband) parts.  But it was divine. 

   Today, I veered off the plan and made Julia Child's potage parmentier which is potato and leek soup.   It has only two things I'm sure they wouldn't approve of: a tablespoon of salt and three of butter (per the entire pot of soup).  Alas, I ate it anyway, and enjoyed it so immensely that I could have cried.  I don't think it will destroy me.  It has the most perfect, slightly salty, slightly oniony taste - with that amazing hint of cream to finish it.  For something SO simple to have such a gourmet taste is thrilling!

  Plus, it gave me an excuse to use two of my favorite Christmas presents from my sweet man: new Paula Deen knives and the special edition of both volumes of Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking".   Now I wonder how I ever lived without both.  First, the knives come with a steel sharpener and I realized I have never had a sharp knife in my life!  PLEASE, new cooks and new wives, go buy decent knives and a sharpener and google how to use it!  You are supposed to sharpen your knives EVERY time you use them - so the "weight of the knife alone will slice through a tomato"  and oh the difference it makes!!  I was slicing that leek so thin that I actually decided to back off a little and make it a bit thicker for texture.

  And Julia's book is just a master on its own!  This isn't just a book full or recipes, this is almost like taking a class in being a fabulous housewife!  She talks about what tools you should have in your kitchen and how much time you should try to find for each dish and how to slice and how to sharpen your knife and how to cook things perfectly and the science behind bread and how you should kneed dough with one hand so you can answer the phone - oh was she a smart lady!!    I have decided that this will be my standard gift to any bride whose wedding I get invited to.  I only wish I read it years ago!

  I think this meal plan is teaching me, at least, what the balance of foods should be in our daily diet.  I'm learning that vegetables and fruits are so important, and so much more satisfying and filling than processed carbs.  I've never known how to incorporate so many. 

  So, sharpen your knives, buy some good veggies, and don't watch the show "Bridal-Plasty" - it is a ridiculous waste of brain cells.